change is beauty

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.
~ Maya Angelou

my list

As a kid, I spent a lot of time with my head in the clouds. I was going to be a rock star, an actress, Snow White. I was creative, passionate, and I knew who I was. As I got older, my goals became a little more realistic (I can not sing!), but I still reached for the stars. I did some modeling, I went to architecture school. Slowly, though, fear of failure took over, and I stopped trying. I followed the path of least resistance, did what was expected of me, and chose the easy way. I love where I ended up at, but I think I have lost a little of myself along the way. There is a me that is not a wife and mother. And I am working to find that me, to determine my purpose.

As a mom, I see the potential that my girls have. The world is theirs for the taking. Is that true for me, too? I know that it once was. Being a mom is fantastic, and wonderful, and important, but it isn't all that I am. And I believe that it will be beneficial for my girls to see their mom as someone what has interests outside of motherhood.

With all that in mind, I decided to start a list expressing some of my goals (in no particular order of importance):
1. Write a book about something and promote it on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
2. Learn how to play the guitar
3. Paint paintings
4. Get my Masters Degree in School Counseling
5. Go back to Jamaica with Adrian
6. Finish reading A New Earth
7. Complete heritage album, continue collecting resources on genealogy
8. Learn to surf
9. Volunteer time to a political campaign (maybe my own?)
10. Get over my fear of flying so that I can travel again
11. Learn a foreign language
12. Put in a pool, and have lots of pool parties
13. Volunteer at Planned Parenthood
...

The Sweetest Life

Just over a year ago, I began practicing positive thinking. I've always been analytical, over-achieving, and a bit of a pessimist (wow, that was hard to admit). And I found myself in a bit of a "worst-case scenario" with our business. I was so caught up in worry and blame, that I began to lose my joy. Stress was a euphemism. I knew I had to change. I began searching inside for answers. I began praying that God would help me learn whatever lesson I was supposed to learn so I could just move on. And then Oprah began preaching The Secret. It immediately clicked with me. I realized that while I can't control other's actions, I can control my reaction to them. And I learned that most of our actions, while subconscious, are controlled by our own thought patterns. Most importantly, I learned what it truly means to forgive. I decided that I will be happy again, my relationship with my husband will be strong again and our financial outlook will be just fine. And I learned to find the blessings in even the darkest of times. I am now joyful. And my life is so full of blessings, many that were always there, I was just too stressed to truly appreciate them. When I begin to loose my way, I am always pulled back. My journey brings me to a new book, a new song (see below), a new friend. We do create the lives we desire. And I have the sweetest life.

my song

There's just something about this song! It takes me back to simpler times, and reminds me of how blessed I am. Enjoy!

back at it

hmmm, I think it's time to dust this baby off and get bloggin' again. It's been a while, so I need to update some links, and maybe design a new header. I guess we'll see how it goes...